I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
