If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
wow bdsm is so cute
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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