I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
