if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
