GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
