why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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