you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
