I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
