I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
