She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Two words: nipple clamps
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