I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
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SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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