Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want her autograph on my taint
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
