Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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