he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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