i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
