why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
