is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
