Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sext me about skeletons
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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