For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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