it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
