whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
