My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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