U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
