Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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