Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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