I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
