it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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