I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
