I cockslap morals
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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