i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
