I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
