Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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