I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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