On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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