i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
