Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.