I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.