cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes