How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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