I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
