Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
