There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
