You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
