i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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