my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My ass is underappreciated
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
