So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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