we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
