dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
