even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
