he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
