dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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