i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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