Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
