He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
