My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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