If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
