Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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