Soap is not a condiment
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize