I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
