Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How external is "for external use only"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Panties = found
Randomize
