does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
