even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
