i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
