I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
