Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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