i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
