Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
