Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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