Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
