I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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