she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
