How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
