the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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