when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh god it's open bar.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
