Don't make out with my wife yet
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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