Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
