If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
