I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
