Three words: puerto rican gang bang
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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