No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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