How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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