he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
