Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
