i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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