Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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