I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
