i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
